And Cloister spake, "Lo, I shall lead you to Fyushal, and there
we shall open a temple of food, wherein shall be sausages, and doughnuts and all manner of bountiful things. Yea, even individual sachets of mustard. And those who serve shall have hats of great majesty, yea, though they be made of coloured cardboard and have humorous arrows through the top."

Claimed by some to be a symbol of the lies, and some to be merely a fearsome hat, one thing is agreed by all... this infamous Doughnut Diner headwear is an object that caused thousands of years of civil war for the Felis sapiens, and all because one faction believed the hat should be red, and one faction believed the hat should be blue.

In all the world there are only two Doughnut Diner Hats of this quality and show-authenticity. One of these expertly made fan-created items is owned by none other than Skipper of the Red Dwarf Red Loft, while the second was donated by Skipper to me at The Red Dwarf Online Museum in the Post Pod! Both hats are of the red variety, as legend has it, all of the blue hats were destroyed by an asteroid.